


no matter the cost.

by peteyparkour



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, I had an idea and ran with it, Iron Man 1, Kind of Canon Compliant, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), SteveTony, Stony - Freeform, Time Travel, but i love them SO much so i know i'm prolly gonna write them in, i love them too much to just let the end of endgame be completely it, idek if sambucky is even gonna be in this, if you ship steggy you're in the wrong place sorry lol, my stony heart needed closure, so yeah gay rights!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-30 18:37:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20777624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peteyparkour/pseuds/peteyparkour
Summary: steve goes back in time and dances with peggy, but it’s what he finds on his way back when he's accidentally dropped in 2008 that makes him stay.[stony post-endgame au]





	no matter the cost.

**Author's Note:**

> before you know it you’re intoxicated  
fall asleep to a kiss that tastes like wine  
even dreaming of you, can’t escape it  
once it’s over, then you can’t wait to press me,  
why?

Steve steps onto the soft grass, the weight of the hammer tempting to drag him down, but he continues walking forward. He takes each step with force, making sure each foot gets put in front of the other. His thoughts are louder than they’ve ever been, but even so one strikes through them all and demands his attention.

_ Am I really doing this? _

_ Yes, _ he assures himself. _ You’re doing this. You have to. _

He’s almost convinced himself the truth in the statement when he turns the bend that exposes the quantum machine. It’s not the machine itself that breaks Steve down the middle, but rather the raw expression that he finds Bucky wearing for an instant before he realizes that Steve’s there. Pain, sorrow, and mourning are shrouding his features, and although Bucky does an incredible job of hiding it once he sees Steve, it still feels like a punch to the gut.

_ “You’re leaving?” Bucky’s voice comes out hollow and shattered, threatening to cut Steve with its painfully sharp edges. _

_ “Yeah,” Steve breathes out. “I’m leaving.” _

_ “Who’s,” Bucky starts as his breathing begins to quicken and his eyes dart across the room. “Who’s going to save the world? Who’s going to protect us all? Who’s… who’s going to be you?” _

_ Each word Bucky says tears Steve apart from the inside, not due to what he’s saying, but what he’s not. Steve knows Bucky better than anyone; he knows that the last thing he’s worried about is who’s going to protect the Earth. He’s worried about himself, but he’d never voice it. Bucky’s last question rings through Steve’s head, and he knows for certain that Bucky meant it in more ways than in the context of Captain America. _

_ But Steve keeps his eyes pointed at the ground and answers the questions quietly, not wanting to but doing so anyway. _

_ “There’s still plenty of Avengers left, Buck,” he whispers, and he can vaguely hear Bucky take in a shuddering breath. “As for who’s going to be Captain America, I have a thought.” _

_ Steve tears his eyes from the ground to meet Bucky’s, and he finds that Bucky’s eyes are red and hold an unexplainable anger. It’s only for a moment that they hold eye contact before Bucky quickly turns away, but it’s enough for Steve to understand how Bucky feels. And it makes Steve want to throw up. _

_ “And what’s that?” Bucky asks bitterly, his words trembling either with anger or emotion. _

_ “I was… I was thinking it’d be you.” _

_ Bucky’s head whips back around at the statement, his eyes no longer holding the anger but instead holding a look of disbelief, his eyebrows scrunched in a way that confuses Steve. _

_ “You must be kidding.” _

_ “I’m not, Buck. There’s no one I trust more to take over this job than you.” _

_ Bucky scoffs as he stands, first facing away from Steve but quickly turning to meet his eyes. The anger that had faded from his eyes for an instant returned with a new rage, fire burning in his eyes as if it had replaced the light blue that Steve had grown fond of over the many years. “You do realize that I’m the least fit person for this job, right? Out of all of the incredible people on the team, you’re coming to me? Especially right now? After everything you’ve just told me?” _

_ “I’m coming to you because I know you can do it. You’re the only one who could carry the mantle.” _

_ “I’m not doing it.” _

_ Steve’s head tilts back in surprise at the simple sentence. He knew before coming to talk to Bucky that he wouldn’t be happy about all of this, but he never thought he’d be so quick to turn it down. With the surprised look still on his face, Steve speaks up again. _

_ “What do you mean you’re not doing it? Someone needs to take over, and I trust you to do that, Bucky,” Steve tells him, an incredulous look resting on Bucky’s face. _

_ “Don’t you dare preach trust to me right now. I’m not doing it. I’m not fit for the job. I don’t want to screw something up worse than you will by leaving.” Bucky bites the words out, each one coming out with emphasis and the intent to hurt Steve. “If you want someone trustworthy to take over your spot, how ‘bout you talk to Sam. I’m sure he’d be more than happy to take it over.” Bucky turns to leave the room when Steve’s quiet voice stops him in his tracks. _

_ “I’m not telling Sam.” _

_ Steve realizes after he finishes speaking that he probably shouldn’t have said this, as Bucky turns around with an even more poisonous look that he was wearing before. _

_ “What do you mean, you’re not telling Sam,” Bucky asks, squinting his eyes in anger. “He trusts you so much, Steve. He has put his life in danger more times than any of us could count, done things, seen things that he never should have for you. And you’re not going to tell him that you’re going to disappear and live a life with a woman you went on one date with?” _

_ The lecture silences Steve and he turns his head to avoid Bucky’s deathly stare. “I just don’t think it’s for the best for him to know.” _

_ “You are one of the most idiotic, ridiculous, selfish people I know, Rogers. I hope you remember that when you’re off doing whatever you plan on doing with Agent Carter.” _

_ With this, Bucky turns and leaves the small room, slamming the door as his footsteps ring off the wood floor. Steve shakes his head, hoping to rid the tears that had eventually built up over the fight, but they fall anyway. _

_ “I just wanted to say goodbye,” he whispers to the empty room, and though he wishes for one, he hears no response. _

Bucky’s face straightens once his eyes lay upon Steve, and he puts up a forced smile. Steve’s eyes glance over Sam and Bruce as well, but they land on Bucky more than anything.

_ I’m sorry. Please, forgive me. I’m so sorry. _

But the words never leave his mouth.

The four talk for a short moment, and before Steve walks onto the quantum machine, he puts his things down and walks up to Bucky. Despite the underlying tensions that remained from the night before, Bucky doesn’t refuse when Steve wraps him in a tight embrace.

_ “Don’t do anything stupid ‘til I get back.” _

_ “How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.” _

_ “I’m gonna miss you, buddy.” _

_ “It’s gonna be okay, Buck.” _

The words leave Steve’s mouth with ease, but each one threatens to stop his breathing and tear out his heart. But he knows that deep down, this is what he needs to do. This is what he wants to do. 

_ So why is it so hard? _

Steve pulls out from the embrace and turns to the quantum machine quickly, forcing himself to keep his head straight and not look back. Just four more steps, one foot in front of the other. Just three. Just two.

Steve steps onto the quantum machine, Nordic hammer and briefcase in hand. Nodding more to himself than to the words spoken by Bruce that fall silent on his ears, Steve clicks the helmet on and subconsciously runs a hand over the pocket that he placed the Pym Particles in. He feels four bumps, just as he’s supposed to; he packed two extra just in case something were to happen, even though he knew that he wouldn’t be coming back. 

_ I’m not coming back. _

The weight of the statement finally crushes Steve’s chest, and he takes a sharp intake of air as he frantically turns his head around. The trees, the pond, the people— he won’t be coming back to them. It’s too much all at once, the realization suffocating Steve from the inside of his suit as he begins to jaggedly attempt to get as much air in as possible, but it’s not working.

_ I’m not coming back. _

_ This is it. _

Tears fill his eyes quickly and threaten to spill out within seconds, but it doesn’t matter. Bruce, Sam, nor Bucky can see the droplets shimmering on his cheeks, and he’s about to gasp for, call for, _ scream _ for help, for them to stop the machine, to let Steve stay, but it’s too late.

The machine whirs to life and with one last tear-blurred glance at Bucky, Steve’s gone.


End file.
